so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
