sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
