Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize