Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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