Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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