kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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