Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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