singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Randomize
