If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
