i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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