so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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