my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
