I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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