he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
