God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
