So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
