dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
