The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
