I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
