I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
