i barfeds in our rink
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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