I'm really into asian looking animals
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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