The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
