mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
