remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
