The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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