Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
