omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
