Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
