Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
