Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
