I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
