i think my tv is drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
