I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
