so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
