I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
