ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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