Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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