Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
