i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
