Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
