Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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