you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
