thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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