I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
