she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
