you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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