the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ugly people sure do ruin things
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
