if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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