11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
