tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
