you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
