EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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