Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
