I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
