new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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