So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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