dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
