your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
