I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
