So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
