The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
