I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
