Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
