I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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