I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
