The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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