My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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