Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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