Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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