College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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