It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
