Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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