Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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