she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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