Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
