One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
