I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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