PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
