That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
