it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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