i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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