I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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