How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
