Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
