don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
