Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
