So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
