wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
