Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
