jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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