I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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