K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
