Do you still have your period?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
