a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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